I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
