there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize