where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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