Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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