First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
