He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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