Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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