may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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