I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
