i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
