I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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