just tell him i said nine months
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
