Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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