Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
