So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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