It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize