mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
