I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
