Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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