dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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