no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
