I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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