I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Still dying that you shit outside
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
