Don't make out with my wife yet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
