i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
