So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
