I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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