and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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