There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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