I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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