I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
