Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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