Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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