I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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