I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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