it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Of course I have a pirate flag
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
