Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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