She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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