Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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