I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
