so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
