3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
