we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
