How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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