i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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