3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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