At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sarcasm needs its own font
No subtext here. People are naked.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
