ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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