I feel like abortions should bother me more
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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