he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
