i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
