I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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