JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
