I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
