i already hear my dad disowning me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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