who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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