that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
