Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i think my mom watched the whole time
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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