I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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