Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
