I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
