Your mouth is God's brothel.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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