If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
