Are we in a gay sports bar?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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