Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
