My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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