Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
