i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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