after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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