This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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