Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
