Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
