So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize