Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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