the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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