well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
