I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
